Sunday, January 3, 2010

Changing and Rearranging

I'm making changes in 2010 and one of the firsts is that this blog is moving. I've begun blogging on WordPress and so for my first 2010 blog, check out this new address.

If you're not RSS savvy, but want email notifications whenever I post a new blog then just click the appropriate button on the right side of my new blog. It's a good idea.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Cynical Ramblings of a near thirty-year old

"I hate people." A co-worker said this to me today. I hated them, too. Hated the jerks, hated the inconsiderate, hated them just for showing up.

Everywhere there is so much unnecessary negativity. I can't get over how mean people are to each other. The kids who never learned to share grow up and become bosses, politicians, parents. We shake our fists, maybe a middle finger, we cuss and fuss in traffic, but as soon as we get the chance, we'll cut in line and justify it, or slow down suddenly aware we're about to miss our exit, our turn, never mind the cars behind.

Earlier this fall I finished reading The Kite Runner, and it opened my eyes to how universally cruel people are to each other. In politics, in the world, in backyards, we disrespect the ones we could learn from.We hate the differences. We all do it. Not selectively, not based on anything more than egocentric perspectives, jealousy or stupid, baseless fears that somehow exist and accrue power. What can we do?

I guess we do the good deed when it occurs to us and then we move on and try not to carry with us all the bad thoughts and hates others might rub off on us. Any frustrating situation is fertile ground for growing some organic negativity. I try to remember that I do it to others. I might not do that exact thing that peeves me so, but I certainly don't live the whole of my days in full consideration of others. In fact I've tried this to a fault, and I'm certain it's impossible to never offend simply because you can never guess the things that piss people off. Not everything. This is one area where the vastness of unique human characteristics cannot be predicted. We're all a little crazy and you can't count on crazy.

To get along around other people, I think you just have to be willing to let some things slide. But not everything. No one should get away with everything and everyone should get away with some things. I suspect that many of us believe we get away with less than we let other people get away with. But then we have to remember that we can never know all the things that drive other people crazy and therefore, there is no way to keep record of who's ahead.

Monday, November 2, 2009

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman

Friday, September 18, 2009

It's Coming

The temperature is in the eighties and that feels warm, but an autumn wind is blowing. What a great time of year. About two weeks ago, while running at dusk I felt it for the first time. For weeks I'd been anticipating its coming, even as the dog days of Texas summer dragged their feet. I took Wallace for a run and we found a field that was recently cleared, leaving stumps and the scent of cedar behind, to play in and watch the beautiful sun set. On the run back the wind met our sweaty bodies with a coolness not felt for months, a delicious foreshadowing that fall is on its way. This reminds me of a favorite poem by Bill Holm.

August in Waterton, Alberta

Above me, wind does its best
to blow leaves off
the aspen tree a month too soon.
No use wind. All you succeed
in doing is making music, the noise
of failure growing beautiful.

If you're not used to reading poetry, just remember to breathe. There are very few words so they are each one there by choice.

This is kept by my desk and computer, where I write; where I stare off into nowhere land; where I confront demons; where I face my own failure, or the teasing of it. This poem reminds me that failure in art will lead, if one endures, to success. The failure itself might even be beautiful, might even be art. I also keep a Pearls Before Swine Cartoon posted by my desk to remind me to laugh at it all.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Sorry for the bad joke. You'll see.

It's been a minute since I've blogged. In the past 43 days I've been to the emergency room, seen a baby donkey, ridden 5 hours in a van with no A/C in the middle of the day and done lots of fun summery things, such as float the river with a good ol'buddy.

So pleurisy is when something gets caught between your lung lining and your rib cage and gets inflamed or infected. Eventually it hurts to breath, which can cause panic to set in. This is what happened to me. I called my man and he came to my rescue. We ended up at a fire station and then in an ambulance and then the ER. It wasn't as much of an emergency as it felt like, meaning it wasn't my heart and I wasn't in danger of dying. But it was scary for both parties.

Baby donkeys are furry and soft and pretty sweet. It's when they grow up that they can be a real ass. My relatives have some land up in North Texas where time melts into itself. Less than 24 hours there but I felt like I'd been injected with that fabulous vacation iv. It lasted at least 2 days.

My latest music review can be read here and there are more to come soon. Check it out for a link for a free download.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Words: In Conflict

When I communicate through email, the letter I send is usually so much shorter than the original draft. Editing removes the unnecessary comments, the words that are motivated by hurt or frustration and the final draft is usually just what I need to say, without all the chaff. So when I talk or especially when I argue guess what comes out? Unnecessary comments, words motivated by hurt or frustration and chaff.

I've believed for a long time that if two people could just talk rationally about something, they could resolve it. Turns out that to get to that place of calmly talking can take minutes or hours or days. I hate the waiting, but worse is what happens if you don't take that time.

Marianne Moore said, "The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence." I hate conflict. Instead of trying to avoid it, I try to control it with words. The catch is that the words that have the power to calm and reconcile, are usually not the first that come to mind. Silence of breath, quiet of mind, the rest between a calm heartbeat is crucial in conflict.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wart Off

I love natural remedies. Once I had a wart on my knee that I never thought much about. In the third grade I was a dodgeball STAR! Thanks to my four brothers I was really good at dodging and unlike many of the girls in my class, I could actually throw the ball. During an extraordinary competitive and thrilling game, I hit the ground rolling to escape a body ball and also made the winning throw for my team. I was the last one standing so it required full commitment.

I stood up and amidst the cheers from my teammates, I heard my P.E. teacher tell me to go to the nurse. Looking down I saw blood gushing from both my knees. So worth it. I marched proudly off the field and after the nurse dressed my battle wounds, I realized that my wart was no longer there. Sweet! Unfortunately, weeks later I noticed a garden of mini warts sprouting on both my knees. No, no, no, this would not do.

My mom starts bringing this up in conversation with various relatives and friends (yay), and everyone has heard of a home wart solution. Rub potato flesh on them. Duct tape them. Try wart cream. I ended up sleeping a couple nights with cottonballs soaked in vinegar bandaged to my knees. Stunk. Soggy wrinkled knee skin. But it worked, the vinegar actually burning and thus killing the root of the warts.

That's a beautiful story and all to say, I wish I had some lavender oil on me. It is an immediate relief and cure to a spider bite, but also helps mosquito bite itchings (such as the one on my ankle) subside.

I'd also love to hear about other natural remedies. Please.