When I communicate through email, the letter I send is usually so much shorter than the original draft. Editing removes the unnecessary comments, the words that are motivated by hurt or frustration and the final draft is usually just what I need to say, without all the chaff. So when I talk or especially when I argue guess what comes out? Unnecessary comments, words motivated by hurt or frustration and chaff.
I've believed for a long time that if two people could just talk rationally about something, they could resolve it. Turns out that to get to that place of calmly talking can take minutes or hours or days. I hate the waiting, but worse is what happens if you don't take that time.
Marianne Moore said, "The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence." I hate conflict. Instead of trying to avoid it, I try to control it with words. The catch is that the words that have the power to calm and reconcile, are usually not the first that come to mind. Silence of breath, quiet of mind, the rest between a calm heartbeat is crucial in conflict.