Nobody knows it, but I am so sad.
When I felt sad (or trapped or wild) in high school I went to the swings. With no after school plans, I'd roll down the windows of my Pontiac Parisienne and head to the park. Sometimes I'd write or read or watch people. Most often I'd slide into the plastic saddle and swing as high as I could and wonder what it'd feel like to fly like the little boy in The Snowman . This was me discovering solitude. I don't dare divulge the secrets of those times.
Today, I felt that same thrill twice. I pedaled my bike away from work and felt like school was out and I was set free. Earlier, I remembered that this weekend I get to take a mini-road trip. On this trip I get to drive and listen to good tunes with my roadworthy friend. I will also get to see a phenomenal music act perform not once, not twice but three times; I hope to see some family and some friends who are close enough to be family.
Nobody knows it, but I am so sad.* I think of us as having little wells inside us full of secret sadness and secret happiness. It seems weird that opposites could co-exist together, but then again, what they say about opposites, well, I don't even have to say it.
*This is a line from the Avett Brothers song that caused me to fall in love with their music.
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6 comments:
is there another blog your wrote last year with the same line? it's powerful.
"roadworthy"...shank shoe!
ok so apparently you can't go back and delete a comment on blogger. this is unfortunate since my previous comment sounds like a 2 year old wrote it...well, or bret.
great post :)
and i like what you said about inner sadness and inner happiness. i think about how they coexist, often. sometimes i even embrace the inner sadness. at least it's mine, right?
this is beautiful, tahj, and there's something about it that makes me want to cry.
that is a great line. they have so many great lines. i won't write anymore for fear of getting mushy.
haha, heather is such a two year old! what a freak.
That line from the Avett Bros you mentioned reminds me of my favorite line from The Sopranos, where Tony is talking to his psychologist and is trying to describe his inner conflict:
"I'm the sad clown"
It rings true, speaking personally.
Couldn't agree more...although I suppose its not so secret since I have my wife to talk about them with. I have always had dreams of flying and teaching others to do the same...I wonder what that means?
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